What are you up to this weekend? My laundry is piling up, so that should be on top of everything for this weekend, but I’m here watching Potato Lab and writing non-stop, while contacting people at home, regarding my floating tasks for the hobbies. I hope you have a good one and the following texts are my random thoughts for the past week, if you just want to get looped in.
When you encounter someone with the same vibe as you, hanging out with people whom you meet for the first time in person would seem like a breeze. I attended a get-together over the weekend and it was euphoric. We all got along, no KJs or whatsoever. Until the “bottoms up” queue. It was not what I expected. As you might have guessed, there were dizzy and crazy moments, a Classic-J-Drunk-Mode minus the cursing and the total-black-out-and-whack-out phase. They might have kicked me out of the circle if they saw that.
After that weekend, I had to be very careful about my actions. Me getting drunk would mean that I’m getting comfortable with everything: the place, the people, the environment. Which is scary and should never happen. I don’t want to get used to all this. Life here is out of my league. I am only a complicated, overthinking nobody who happens to stumble upon a job in the big city. And the goal: keep a low profile, do your job, and exit–like “you can disappear right now and no one would notice” kind of exit. So the drunk state is out of line, especially for me. Never again.
As days go by in this chaotic body clock, where I often get lost track of my sense of time, I realize a lot of things. 1. I cannot sleep in the mornings because am supposed to be doing tasks for events, meetings, projects…that even if I planned to set all those aside back at home, my brain is in autopilot, making me think of all the things I need to do–tasks that require my 80% concentration. 2. I get excited over the simple things: knowing about the new chapter a friend has released or that someone is a writer. I don’t know, but, I guess am more invested in writers in close proximity than that of those foreign writers whom I haven’t met but idolized for their works. I’m like…WOOOOWWWW…and then I cling to them like they’re so special and all that, and I think that’s where they think am weird. I realized I am easily misunderstood for my being clingy, when in fact, am just a fangirl like those fangirls for kpop idols, only that in this matter, they’re not kpop idols but writers and artists. 3. I am more of a I-look-at-you-and-expect-that-you-get-what-I-mean person than a person who gives contexts and details every single time. Which I think is not healthy, and straightforward weird. Or maybe am just used to people getting me even when am not talking. HAHAHAHA. 4. I am not a fan of sharing things. Like, I expect that whatever I tell you should stay between us, and it’s up to me if I’d want to share it with anybody else. It’s not ‘gossip’, I think it’s just that people feel o think that it’s okay to be sharing all the deets to anyone and everyone. I guess that’s one of the biggest reasons why am staying silent and not really talking about anything unless I’m in the mood or unless I know that it’s for everyone’s consumption. I hope they won’t hate me for being like this. 5. I know that people talk about people behind their backs–all the time. I am guilty of this, like, I kinda talk about others because of how I felt towards them or how they behaved at a certain point, but then, staying here for almost a month now made me realize that I don’t appreciate it. Even if they’re not talking bad things behind someone’s back–it’s the mere action of talking behind someone’s back is what I’m talking about. 6. There are people whom you can speak with about serious matters, and there are others whom you can only speak with when it comes to nonsensical things. I love how balanced conversations can get.
Pardon those repeated words, I know I kept correcting others regarding this, but here I am. It’s just that I don’t exactly know how to express that in any other way.
Bottom line is, I am not cut out for this. I know I told you this from a previous post, but I am telling this now, again, mainly because I am currently homesick.
Landing a job at a BPO company is in my list of things I want to try. I planned to try all kinds of job, and like I told one of my current colleagues, I am off to somewhere I don’t know, after this. And I guess I have over welcomed my stay here already. Time to leave. Where to next? I’m not sure. You might find me at a restaurant serving guests or washing dishes in the kitchen, or I might be a tourist agent or tour guide somewhere. Either way, I’ll be leaving pretty soon.
