They say you become emotional after a major operation, but I say this is just me being me, on New Year’s Eve, hyper emotional, as always.
So, hello, you. Before we officially mention tomorrow, let’s take a breather and reminisce 2025 like a done list, shall we?
Some days were slow like a warm breeze in summer, while other days were fast like a train on your daily commute. There are those whom we’ve reconnected with, an event that felt right (still feels right by me), and there are those who we continued to build with more than ever. But there were a lot of new people–new connections, new personalities that we encountered along the way.
And then, Black Volume happened. Hah. Call me a bad writer for not being able to explain the meaning behind that name, but pfft. That name was supposed to be out and about in 2020. It just took a drastic push to finally come out. But here’s the thing: it was originally a name for one of our collab webtoon, me and Harley (a name you might hear sooner or later). The webtoon never went to production as priorities in both our realities demanded more of us. We wanted to make it into something more. Until we parted ways, and I took over it. But it didn’t come through in 2023, instead, I followed along with the name that one of my bffs wanted. To cut the story short, I went with the name when I was pressed with time and with the lack of a better term to describe my style in art and my love for writing, BOOM! It became…coco..I mean Black Volume. Harhar.
Boredom often comes to those whose brain does not rest. And because I was sooo bored at work, alone in MNL, I found solace in fangirling over artists, writers, and art toy designers that I met, like Gabtap, Nico, Veez, and many more! Don’t get me wrong, we never paused in loving our hometown’s OG members The Duke and Flunky. The planning and communication about their creative works are constant and regular as a day job. But when I was in MNL, I got engulfed in a world that is larger than what I had back at home. It was refreshing yet suffocating, eye-opening yet tiring. Contradicting, yes I know, but it’s because there’s no fun in just having the good stuff, am I right?
One of the odd sides of being bored and crazy at the same time is deciding on things and sticking to them or otherwise, till we are satisfied. This was proven to be true when I finally submitted a long-overdue resignation letter. They say I must be insane to leave without a plan B. Others say I must be super rich so that I can leave that good-paying job without a second thought. But little did they know. I am a nobody, with no money, no employees, and only a name to carry around in a badge. I only left because I woke up one day and saw myself by the end of the year–I did not like what I saw. And also because the weekly 10-12 hours of travel is becoming a hassle.
Right before we close the year, just when I was about to land another job on My Bucket List of Job Types, I was in a white bed, surrounded by white walls, with white-coated individuals checking my vital signs every now and then. A major operation. To make it worse, the kind of operation I never wanted to experience. Everyone says “it’s fine, at least you’re okay now…” and am like, ‘what is okay with this? Am I the only one thinking about the repercussions of this circumstance?’ Maybe.
That is one of the major reasons why I partially shut myself in my bubble. I could not update the team, I could not write anything, I could not do anything at all. I feel helpless, in pain, and disappointed in myself. I should have been stronger than this. No time for regrets now, what’s done is done. What matters now is how we will move forward.
Thank you for your patience, for your understanding, for your time and effort on this chaotic mind of a being. I know I can be demanding, judgmental, and too scrutinizing of things. I also know that you often roll your eyes with my ideals, it can get too messy up in my head and it makes me go back and forth with choices. I apologize for being mean sometimes, if not most of the time. Words and things cannot be undone, and me running away from it all instead of taking responsibility is purely on me. Nevertheless, thank you for being a part of my 2025.
I just hope that you will still be there in 2026. If I haven’t greeted you in my DMs or in person yet, HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU AMAZING HUMAN BEING! Cheers to more coffee, more events, and more adventure in 2026!!!
