our eyes locked unknowingly,
me not knowing what you’re thinking
while am admiring your hair and eyes
you reminded me of a guy i used to call my little brother
i wanted to ask if you were related
but i did not bother
we continued the stare as though there’s something holding us
while am sweating with nervousness
that someone familiar would come to me and talk
i did not want to be in this place tonight
but when you appeared i suddenly froze
i would like to thank the guitar you were holding
it made me focus on it and not somewhere else
but the magic of it faded when i wanted to leave right away
before i break down and recite a poem of my own
“am only here for a friend,” i wanted to blurt out
but i only told you this in my mind
while looking at you
admiring your hair and eyes
to my surprise i saw you again
but i thought i was just imagining
when i found out i’ll be seeing you around more often
i had to break the chain and awkwardness
so i messaged you first
i will not be charmed by that hair and those eyes anymore
because i messaged you first
and that’s one of the rules in my book of friends
be it as it may
we could be friends and i wanted to
but i guess you think am too into you to become a friend
i may appear as too sweet for a friend
but how will i change if i’ve been like this to everyone
or atleast to my friends
i wanted to grab your shirt
and look you in the eye
and tell you “i like you but i cannot fall again”
but every chance i got i say the wrong things
or ask the wrong questions
i find myself laughing at my failures
just like in a comedy show
‘how to save face’ i thought
maybe apologize and make it as a joke
what’s done is done
so maybe i’ll just hide for a while
now i realize i hate your hair
and your voice
and your eyes
i hate them all
because it reminded me not of my little brother anymore
but of the guy who just got married
and still wanted to see me
i wanted to scream and stare at you one more time
before i finally close these doors
or before i slam it close when i leave
i will never think of you again
i will never look at you with the intention of friendship i once had
unless you want to be friends
unless you want to talk to me
i will find a way to stare at your eyes even for a little while
and then i will close that door
maybe gently maybe not
i guess not gently
cause am not that kind of person who does things gently
i will not say “goodbye”
and you will never know i did say it silently
