I was assigned as the Table Topics Master, my first role as a new member. Nervous and excited about it, my hands are sweaty and my pimple-town forehead is wet as ever. How could I overcome this moment without being too obvious?!
“Confidence” is the only word that’s been ringing in my ears for the 15 minutes that I talked to TM Ron before the meeting. Confidence which I do not have even for a drop, confidence which slips between my fingers every time I try to grab a hold of it. “Rehearse,” he said, and I was like What? I cannot. I tried rehearsing in a whisper and my voice is shaking with my hands. What to do? What to do? Am I really going to do this task and fail it or am I going for the run?
But of course I still went and did my part. While “confidence” is stuck in my head, I noticed my mistakes, my never-fading facial expressions where “confidence” just died. I laughed at myself for being me, for talking while showing them a “me” without confidence and I am nervous as a pop corn who just realized it’s in the microwave ready to be popped.
5 Black Magic Boxes. Where 5 teacher-related questions are hidden among Pru Life Purses. So many ideas, so many thoughts about World Teachers’ Day, so little time to gather and organize even though I was given a week to prepare. Unsure of myself, undecided as an ordinary indecisive human being. Will I get over this fast as The Flash?
I could not focus and I could only think of me making mistakes. “You better ruuuuuun” are the words that I heard from the back of my mind after the Table Topics. Ha ha ha. I never recalled that moment again because I want it to remain as a memory worth remembering in my journal and that every time I read about it, the feeling of that moment would always come back to me as fresh as lemon water.
