Drama Class Production: A Doll’s House by Henrik Ibsen
Director: Jen
Assistant Director: Gale
Script Writers: Guia, Matt, Louanne, Ephraim
Stage Manager: Jay
Sounds and Lights: Jang, Yuchii, Shane
Props Team Manager: Jennifer
I got one word for you: Uncertainty
As much as I want to get over this and move on, I cannot. I can’t blame myself and even if I feel like I failed the class, I still feel successful. I still feel like laughing out loud and smiling every time I think about it. What I can say is: This is one hell of an experience! Bahaha!
If you know me even if you barely know me, you’d know that I want perfection. Or at least, my kind of perfection. And yes, I do not know how to listen to anyone, especially when I have seen the end, especially when I have the perfect picture in my head. I may not know how everything would work, I just know what I want to see and I get it one way or another. Selfish and self-serving. These two does not define an effective leader. But I did not really put much care about being effective, I just focused on the end result. I did not think about consequences, side effects, side dramas, and the like. I ignored everything while losing control of myself by showing too much of what I feel. And I guess that led to the downfall of the so-called “cheery chipmunk”. And still, I did not care.
I got into this mess by being the Director and guess what? I should have pursued to be at least a member of the Props Team cause: everything may fail as long as the props stand out. But there I was, a foolish person who believes that all is well and that everything will fall into its place once we are almost there. “She has a strong personality” were the words of a happy voice, echoed into my ears repeatedly for the whole semester. I think no one believed that except for a part of me who hopes I really had such personality. “I’m banking on you…” is my strength and weakness at the same time, now I know that too well. Now, I lay on one side of the bed and weep. Being the director was hard (at least for me, that is. When you think about how I hate dealing with people). It was all about knowing people to the next level, understanding them, and having the patience to suck it all up and swallow everything while putting up your biggest smile for everyone. Even if that means puffy eyes although no one saw you pour out your tears (or maybe there was one or two). It was all about what and how much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of what you want to achieve. It was all about laughing at your own foolishness and going along with what everybody tells you, be it right or wrong as long as you tried to please everyone equally knowing that you cannot really please anyone. It was all about asking for advice and guidance everywhere you can find them, everywhere you think you can find them. It was all about shouting once in a while, at the top of your voice, somewhere no one would see nor hear. It was all about those secret dramatic moments with yourself, contemplating and talking to yourself like a madman, convincing yourself that you can move forward no matter what. It was all about being nice and mean at the same time, knowing when to be nice or mean, although I failed at this matter as I was always scared to be mean. It was all about seeing the end result even before you get started. And that, again, put me on the bad lane. It was all about ranting here and there, trusting and doubting, all the mixed-up emotions boiling inside you, never going out until you’re too drunk to remember. It was all about celebrations, big or small, be it private or public. It was all about you being alone in a cafe/ bar, thinking and rethinking strategies and ways and solutions and possible problems and possible outcomes over six cup of coffees and a plate of saucy fries with a loud background music. It was all about talking to different persons with different views of you, some reminding you of who you are, some whispering how you should handle things, some just nodding to your pain. It was all about faking bravery and strength, covering wounds with smiles and peals of laughter and Koala hugs.
If I talk about each and everyone in the class production it would take me a week or two to finish here so I will just summarize it.
I would like to thank our dearest instructor for giving us the opportunity for a class production. Other students may not understand your ways, but I know you only wanted to teach us all a lesson or two from this. You are one of the happy teachers who love teaching at the highest level and you wouldn’t do what you did if you did not believe in us.
Hands down to the photographer and the graphic designer who helped me achieve what I want with regards to posters and tickets and how I want the cast to look like. Without you, this will be one level harder for me.
Congratulations to the cast who put out their best on stage, who laughed and made so many pauses during rehearsals, and who made the whole play so amazing (for me! if some of them does not think you were amazing, then they did not see through you, but I did). All of your hard work may be for the sake of not getting an “INC” in class but believe it or not, we did have some sort of bond, wouldn’t you agree?
Congratulations to the Props Team who had so many mini dramatic moments and still made it to the end. As you’ve heard, the stage set was P-E-R-F-E-C-T! That is all that matters. The only sad part is that we weren’t able to document the whole play let alone the stage, but it will forever be in my heart (I know, I am being dramatic right now, but it is the truth).
Cheers! To the individuals who supported me along the way, who laughed at me for being foolish, who made it easy for me by just being there. Your presence made it quite easy for all of us. I salute you, for you have been the big posts who blocked my way downhill. You were the trees who shaded me from the painful rays of the sun even if it rained all the time. You scolded me like a stubborn little girl who pushes herself too much. You were there, no matter what, be it by loud waves of laughter or by oozing whispers of the devil, you made me tough enough to face creeking teeth and planet-forming fists. Oh well, see you around, you hooligans from outer space!
Cheers! To the individuals, I’ve hurt in the process. Everything is just for work, don’t take it personally. But I know that you did, I apologized for it, and I will keep on apologizing if you want me too, but still, let’s make a toast for that! We made it to the end without killing each other. Remind me to have a good lunch with you and we could talk about this, and maybe laugh about it all.
I know that we cannot change anything now, that all is said and done and whoever hates you will hate you if not forever then maybe for a long time (a very long time I presume), and that who loves you will adore you from here on out. So here’s a little takeaway from a person who played the role of the Director, for a short period of time:
People will judge you no matter where you are, no matter what you do, and no matter what words come out of other people’s minds, and surely others would easily believe rumors. With that in mind, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Be crazy, be whoever you wanna be. Don’t think about how they will see you, the world will still judge you. If you wanna work with others, be prepared to be stepped on and buckle up, cause it will surely be a bumpy ride. But after everything that transpires, all that matters is if you succeeded and achieved your goals!
P.S.
If you know me personally, you know that I won’t be able to follow my own words perfectly. It’s just that I really wanna say those. So let me be. 😀
This is your Crazy Director…Signing Off.
